Purple Sneakers Body Wrapper

Writing my roller derby player bio

I’ve been asked to write my player bio for GGRD’s website and 2012 program. As a writer, you’d think this would be easy, but it’s HARD to write about yourself! I need to reveal some random facts about me, list some of my likes and dislikes, etc. I’ve shared my draft below.

Also, it’s super weird referring to myself as “Byers”. I like the nickname Morse better. Or Remorse. Or Remy. But unfortunately, I think Byers is the most organic shortened name.

Derby Name: Byers Remorse
Number: 13% APR

2012 Tagline: No refunds or exchanges.
2013 Tagline: ???
2014 Tagline: Transaction cannot be stopped.
2015 Tagline: She’ll take your money and run.

Schoolyard Scrimmage
Skating in a schoolyard scrimmage in Chinatown to keep my skills up last summer.

Derby Background

Byers Remorse discovered derby in the summer of 2010, when a coworker convinced Byers to join her in trying out for the local league, the Monterey Bay Derby Dames. After attending an open skate session at the local rink (and using crappy rental skates), Byers was hooked. She went home and immediately ordered a pair of skates to call her own (Riedell 265s, in case you’re wondering). She successfully tried out for MBDD and began working her way through the league’s Fresh Meat program.

Skating at Del Monte Gardens
One of my first times skating at the Monterey rink!

However, a few weeks into her training, Byers learned that she would be moving to New York City. With only a few months of skating under her belt, Byers tried out for the Gotham Girls and was invited to callbacks. When she did not make the final cut, Byers skated with Gotham’s rec league and tried to find other opportunities to skate as much as she could. The following summer she found a home at Suburbia Roller Derby and skated with them for several months before trying out for the Gotham Girls again. This time, Byers was accepted as part of their 2012 Fresh Meat class. WOO!

GGRD Rec League (Level 2)
The lovely ladies of my GGRD Rec League Level 2 class.

In 2014, during her 3rd season with Gotham, Byers was sidelined due to a knee injury. During this same time, she learned she would be moving to Washington, DC. Following an ACL reconstruction in May of 2014, she returned to the track in 2015 with the DC Rollergirls. She skated with DCRG for 2 seasons (captaining the travel team for the 2016 season) and also skated with Team Maryland during this time. Always thirsty for the highest level of competition available, she transferred to Charm City Roller Girls prior to the start of the 2017 season.

Athletic Background

While Byers has always had a competitive edge, team sports were never really her thing. Prior to roller derby, her most athletic endeavor was spending two seasons with the Glassmen Drum & Bugle Corps.

Glassmen Rehearsal
Rehearsing with the Glassmen. Don’t tell me this doesn’t look hardcore.


Byers Remorse was born and raised in Michigan, where she attended college and studied Digital Design & Rhetoric. She currently lives in Washington, DC and works as a web designer for an institution of higher education. When she’s not skating, Byers enjoys reading, writing, and spoiling her dog.

Team Affiliations

Charm City Roller Derby 2017-2018
Team Maryland 2015-2018
Bad Apples 2013-2018
DC Rollergirls 2014-2016
Gotham Roller Derby 2012-2014


Pigtown Butchers vs. Dundalk Deviants (3/25/17) – Jammer MVP
Team Maryland vs. Team Maine (2/19/17) – MVP
Team Maryland vs. Team West Virginia (2/18/17) – MVP
Pigtown Butchers vs. Dundalk Deviants (1/28/17) – Jammer MVP
Pigtown Butchers vs. Hampden Hons (1/28/17) – Jammer MVP
Team Maryland vs. Pennsylvania All-Stars (10/23/16) – Jammer MVP
DC Rollergirls vs. Charlotte Roller Girls (4/2/16) – Jammer MVP
Cherry Blossom Bombshells vs. DC DemonCats (3/19/16) – Jammer MVP
Bad Apples vs. NJRD (8/22/15) – Bad Apples Jammer MVP
DCRG Channing Skatum Interleague Scrimmage (3/15/15) – Team Step Up MVP
Bad Apples vs. NY All Stars (2/15/14) – Bad Apples Jammer MVP
Wall Street Traitors vs. Rat City Rain of Terror (8/10/13) – Traitors MVP
Empire Skate Showdown 2012 (9/1/12)- Wall Street Traitors Tournament MVP
Suburbia Roller Derby 2011 – Meat MVP


gel nail polish, metallic shoes, proper grammar, manual transmissions, sour patch kids, sushi, bubble tea, letterpress, the color green, listening to Christmas music starting July 25


red meat, long commutes, late trains, crowded trains, people with poor public transit etiquette, single-ply toilet paper, tanlines, visible bra straps

Random Facts

Takes her boutday makeup and manicure very seriously
Is an athletic clothing snob