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Sooooo I got you guys all excited for my debut as a Gotham Girl and then I fell off the face of the blogging planet! MY BAD! Have I mentioned that roller derby can be pretty time-consuming?!
I am pleased to inform you that I have been drafted to the Queens of Pain (captained by none other than Suzy Hotrod)! I will also be playing with Gotham’s B travel team, the Wall Street Traitors.
Queens of Pain headshot 
Wall Street Traitors headshot March 31 was my first bout with Queens (and my first official bout EVER!). We lost to Brooklyn, but barely. Then last weekend (on April 14), Queens traveled to Philly to play the Heavy Metal Hookers. We won (!) and I scored a few of our points.
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I’ve been asked to write my player bio for GGRD’s website and 2012 program. As a writer, you’d think this would be easy, but it’s HARD to write about yourself! I need to reveal some random facts about me, list some of my likes and dislikes, etc. I’ve shared my draft below.
Also, it’s super weird referring to myself as “Byers”. I like the nickname Morse better. Or Remorse. Or Remy. But unfortunately, I think Byers is the most organic shortened name.
Derby Name: Byers Remorse
Number: 13% APR2012 Tagline: No refunds or exchanges.
2013 Tagline: ???
2014 Tagline: Transaction cannot be stopped.
2015 Tagline: She’ll take your money and run.
Skating in a schoolyard scrimmage in Chinatown to keep my skills up last summer. Derby Background
Byers Remorse discovered derby in the summer of 2010, when a coworker convinced Byers to join her in trying out for the local league, the Monterey Bay Derby Dames. After attending an open skate session at the local rink (and using crappy rental skates), Byers was hooked. She went home and immediately ordered a pair of skates to call her own (Riedell 265s, in case you’re wondering). She successfully tried out for MBDD and began working her way through the league’s Fresh Meat program.
One of my first times skating at the Monterey rink! However, a few weeks into her training, Byers learned that she would be moving to New York City. With only a few months of skating under her belt, Byers tried out for the Gotham Girls and was invited to callbacks. When she did not make the final cut, Byers skated with Gotham’s rec league and tried to find other opportunities to skate as much as she could. The following summer she found a home at Suburbia Roller Derby and skated with them for several months before trying out for the Gotham Girls again. This time, Byers was accepted as part of their 2012 Fresh Meat class. WOO!
The lovely ladies of my GGRD Rec League Level 2 class. In 2014, during her 3rd season with Gotham, Byers was sidelined due to a knee injury. During this same time, she learned she would be moving to Washington, DC. Following an ACL reconstruction in May of 2014, she returned to the track in 2015 with the DC Rollergirls. She skated with DCRG for 2 seasons (captaining the travel team for the 2016 season) and also skated with Team Maryland during this time. Always thirsty for the highest level of competition available, she transferred to Charm City Roller Girls prior to the start of the 2017 season.
Athletic Background
While Byers has always had a competitive edge, team sports were never really her thing. Prior to roller derby, her most athletic endeavor was spending two seasons with the Glassmen Drum & Bugle Corps.
Rehearsing with the Glassmen. Don’t tell me this doesn’t look hardcore. Bio
Byers Remorse was born and raised in Michigan, where she attended college and studied Digital Design & Rhetoric. She currently lives in Washington, DC and works as a web designer for an institution of higher education. When she’s not skating, Byers enjoys reading, writing, and spoiling her dog.
Team Affiliations
Charm City Roller Derby 2017-2018
Team Maryland 2015-2018
Bad Apples 2013-2018
DC Rollergirls 2014-2016
Gotham Roller Derby 2012-2014Awards
Pigtown Butchers vs. Dundalk Deviants (3/25/17) – Jammer MVP
Team Maryland vs. Team Maine (2/19/17) – MVP
Team Maryland vs. Team West Virginia (2/18/17) – MVP
Pigtown Butchers vs. Dundalk Deviants (1/28/17) – Jammer MVP
Pigtown Butchers vs. Hampden Hons (1/28/17) – Jammer MVP
Team Maryland vs. Pennsylvania All-Stars (10/23/16) – Jammer MVP
DC Rollergirls vs. Charlotte Roller Girls (4/2/16) – Jammer MVP
Cherry Blossom Bombshells vs. DC DemonCats (3/19/16) – Jammer MVP
Bad Apples vs. NJRD (8/22/15) – Bad Apples Jammer MVP
DCRG Channing Skatum Interleague Scrimmage (3/15/15) – Team Step Up MVP
Bad Apples vs. NY All Stars (2/15/14) – Bad Apples Jammer MVP
Wall Street Traitors vs. Rat City Rain of Terror (8/10/13) – Traitors MVP
Empire Skate Showdown 2012 (9/1/12)- Wall Street Traitors Tournament MVP
Suburbia Roller Derby 2011 – Meat MVPLikes
gel nail polish, metallic shoes, proper grammar, manual transmissions, sour patch kids, sushi, bubble tea, letterpress, the color green, listening to Christmas music starting July 25
Dislikes
red meat, long commutes, late trains, crowded trains, people with poor public transit etiquette, single-ply toilet paper, tanlines, visible bra straps
Random Facts
Takes her boutday makeup and manicure very seriously
Is an athletic clothing snob -
I decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day by providing you with a brief wedding planning update:
- Venue is booked
- Photographer is booked
- Photobooth is booked
- DJ is booked
- Wedding dress has been purchased
- Bridesmaid dresses have been purchased
- Hair appointments have been scheduled
I also started designing our invitations. These will also be used as a starting point for our other paper goods (save the dates, menus, etc.). I will need some feedback at some point during this process, so let me know if you’d like to help! We still have lots of decor and other DIY projects to get started on…*sigh*
In other news, training with GGRD is going really well. The draft happens in just two weeks; at that point, I will be placed on one of the four home teams (Brooklyn Bombshells, Queens of Pain, Bronx Gridlock, or Manhattan Mayhem). That means my first bout will happen in a month or two. SO EXCITING!
Also, my derby name is officially being submitted to the registry (this is BIG NEWS as it has taken me SO LONG to get to this point)! I will officially be Byers Remorse of Gotham Girls Roller Derby, and my number will be 13% APR.
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This post could also be titled “The Best Christmas Gift Ever!”
I have been bursting at the seams to share this news with everyone, and now that all of my ducks are in a row, I finally can!
On November 19, I tried out for Gotham Girls Roller Derby for the second time. I think 80-some girls tried out, and about 30 of us were invited to callbacks the following day. I made it to callbacks last year, too, but there was another round of cuts after callbacks, and I was not asked to continue on in the process. This year, however, I was invited to be part of the Fresh Meat pool! So for the past 3 weeks, I attended 3 practices/week with the 20 girls in the Fresh Meat pool. I also got to participate in a scrimmage with a bunch of World Cup skaters from around the world (I was a bit awestruck at the fact that I was sharing the track with Bonnie Thunders, Donna Matrix, OMG WTF, and Fisti Cuffs). What a great night!
It was an amazing experience overall, and I felt like I could see a difference in my skating after just 9 practices.
The final practice was on Sunday — and it was just scrimmaging. I say “just” not because scrimmaging is easy, but because that’s all we did. So the potential Fresh Meats scrimmaged while the coaches stood around in the middle of the track making notes on their clipboards. Nervewracking, for sure.
On Sunday evening, I eagerly awaited the phone call that would determine my fate. Ariel Assault called at 6:19 PM with good news. I am so, so proud to announce that I am one of 13 girls who make up Gotham’s 2012 Fresh Meat class!
Thank you to Bonita for allowing me to borrow her jacket for this shot. Next year at this time, I will have my own. 🙂 So while I am sad to leave my friends at Suburbia, I am thrilled that I will no longer have a 1.5 hour commute to and from practice. More time spent with Corner + Nigel = happy Kristen.
I can’t wait to skate with the best league in the country. I’m going to learn so much. Who knows where my derby career will go from here?
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I’m starting to feel like I may be leaving Fresh Meat purgatory very soon!
I am out of pack hours and into scrimmage hours! In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, Suburbia Roller Derby requires members of the Fresh Meat class to complete 10 pack hours, followed by 10 scrimmage hours. At the end of this, there will be a vote…and then hopefully I will officially become a league member (and get to register my name! FINALLY!).
Imagine my elation when I found out on Wednesday that, even though I am still technically Fresh Meat, I have been rostered for next Saturday’s bout! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen…I will be making my skating debut at Suburbia’s charity bout next weekend! It’s a Dogs vs. Cat bout that will benefit the Hudson Valley Pet Food Pantry, and I am on the Dogs team.
Suburbia Dogs vs. Cats Charity Bout So, my dear friends, if you are free next Saturday and located in the near vicinity, come watch me skate!!!
Tryouts for Suburban Brawl (Suburbia’s travel team) are at the beginning of November. I signed up, and I am pretty excited.
And in case you haven’t seen the photos of Suzy Hotrod in ESPN’s body issue, please go check it out (feel free to ogle the other athletes, too). She motivates me to train harder (those ARMS! My goodness!).
The past two weeks, I’ve been trying out Derbalife. It’s an Herbalife program designed for derby athletes. Riggs affectionately refers to the various stuff she sees me drinking as “weight gain shakes”, but really I am just trying to get leaner, tougher, stronger, etc. We will see if I get any results.
In other news, today is cold cold COLD here in New York! I busted out my winter coat this morning, thinking it would be warmish again by midday and I would be overdressed…but I just walked to Chipotle for lunch with a couple other derby girls, and it’s still quite brisk outside. Brrrrrr!
Today when I get home, Corner will be waiting for me. He is finally back from his work trip to Ohio (although he may be going back in December or January). Looking forward to a fun (derby-filled) weekend!
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I have decided to do more things that make me happy. I have a tendency to turn into a big ball of stress when things start to get overwhelming (although you’d never know it since the stress only shows when I’m AT HOME)…and the last few weeks have definitely been a bit taxing. Sooooo to celebrate my big hairy grad school decision, I’ve been making a more conscious effort to enjoy myself.
I scheduled my first laser hair removal appointment. I still suspect that having my underarm hair lasered will be less painful than having the cement from my braces polished off my teeth. I will of course report back later with the official verdict.
Last Friday I went for a tattoo consultation. I don’t want to say too much just yet since I won’t be getting inked until August at the earliest, but I am really excited. I will say that it’s going to be big, and it’s going to be awesome. I’ve started a pinboard on Pinterest to collect some of my tattoo inspiration. Here’s a taste:
Tattoo Inspiration Also on Friday, I got fitted for skates by the lovely Bonnie Thunders and ordered my new skates online approximately 3 days later because Lord knows I couldn’t actually wait until July. I mean, I should break them in before RollerCon, right? Right. They should be here on Wednesday and I CAN’T WAIT!!!!
I had some unexpected days off this week (Tuesday and Wednesday) and I decided to make the most of them. On Monday evening I went out for sushi with Liz and then the two of us went to a play reading in the East Village. Somehow it was my first time exploring the East Village, and there is still so much of the city to explore. I feel like you would need to be both rich AND unemployed in order to really take advantage of everything NYC has to offer. I enjoyed a lovely day with Nigel and Sharon in Central Park on Tuesday, including some delightful macarons (and a gourmet dog treat for Nigel) from Bouchon Bakery. I hope it’s safe to say that spring has officially sprung.
This weekend Corner and I are riding in the Five Boro Bike Tour. It’s going to be a blast! Cross your fingers for good weather.
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